Restraining orders & safety pins are necessary
Hi there! It’s your friendly heartthrob expert Crystal. I know so presumptuous of me - but you know it’s true!
So it’s been awhile since my last entry in my widely popular series here in VABN. So I thought I be generous and write one up for you today. So, are you ready?
What to Expect When Dating a Heartthrob
You are going to need a restraining order issued to all the members of the male species (except for your heartthrob obviously - give one to your dad too, just in case)
And why this need? Well, sweet cheeks - now that you are dating a heartthrob, you cannot have a man/boy within 50 ft from you. It’s as straight forward as that! You even sneeze at a man, and they’ll have you burn on the stakes. No, it’s not heartthrob that is going to be so sensitive - he knows better (why do you think he’s with you? 
). It’s those people who thinks they run your relationship and those that rely on you for their sanity! Crazy, isn’t it? But “it comes with the territory”.
Anyway, while you are at the police station - get some for the heartthrob too (for all the members of the female species). It’s not necessarily for his protection as it is for yours. See, if there’s no such restrictions, one smile at another girl from your heartthrob and chestnuts roasting in an open fire (and I do not mean the song). Of course, to some people this just means heartthrob found another girl and it’s time for you to get shove down the garbage disposal. I know, so so harsh. But I’m just telling you how it is - that’s what you said to tell you.
Gosh, I feel like I should lighten up a bit.
So, ok. Did I tell you about my heartthrob? I have? So many times? Well, I don’t think I’ve told you this…
He gave me this ring, right? Oh no, we are not engaged! So yeah, he gave me this ring - he said to remind me how much I mean to him and have changed his life for the better and all that jazz (this was when we were still telling people “we’re just friends”). I told him I would wear it everyday (it helps that it’s very beautiful). One night, I had this brilliant idea that I should get him a matching ring. When I told him this, he looked at me like I had a big zit in the middle of my forehead! Then he reminded me he can’t wear a ring in the factory and knowing him, he’ll probably “accidentally” drop it somewhere. I knew exactly what he was talking about so I told him he doesn’t need to wear it all the time - just when we go see our friends. And that I think it’s cute that we kinda match and it’s a very couple thing to do. So he said “yes” but asked that I put a sign for him on the front door as a reminder.
So, I made a sign that says - “Don’t 4get the ring!”. And by golly, the sign worked! He wore the ring like it was an appendage or something. Then he thought he be cute and wrote “but I’m not Frodo” on the sign. I totally took that the wrong way (I was PMSing) and wrote - “you better not think I look like Gollum”. Of course, he was all like “babe, you are the most beautiful” yada yada. So now the sign has become a reminder for him to tell me, for the nth time, how I really look. The ring sits on the nightstand now. I have to think of another sign. Any suggestions? Having those signs do work though. I mean, I have one on there that says - “Is it drafty down there?”. And he hasn’t left the house without any underwear since that sign went up. Oooo, I could safety-pin the ring to his underwear!! Brilliant! I’m so brilliant!
Oh my gosh! Was that TMI? Sorry, the delete and backspace buttons don’t work. Maybe Chay wouldn’t notice?
I’ll talk to you next time! Muah muah!
source:
Related posts:
hehe.. thats crazy and funny.. i love it crystal!!!
Hilarious and cleaver, I loved it, I can’t stop laughing.
Awww! Congrats on the ring Crystal! Your boyfriend sounds sweet
Well said, Crystal!!!! Sadly, the very people who need to read this information won’t. Maybe we can find Mr. McChoakumchild and have him open up their little heads and pour in a pitcher of knowledge–along with this article.
LMAO!!
I love it Crystal!
crystal!!!
too funny as always, although i know you’re not always going for funny.
i still really like the idea of the RMs showing up while he’s sleeping armed with a glue gun!
bye, betty
crystal you had me laughing out loud by my self in the computer room I hope my kid won’t have me committed
LMAO.
Haha Loved it!
Cory
Another brilliant article. Always a pleasure to read the dating a heartthrob series.